A Case of the Blahs

You know what I have?

You know what I'm talking about. We all get them, maybe some more than others, but right now that's what's going on with me. I just feel so... Blah. It's the only way I can explain it! Between this weather, school, my weight loss journey, and uncertainty about the future... I'm finding it hard to be positive. I think I just need some warm weather and sunshine in my life!

This graphic below accurately describes my life at this very moment:

Who is with me? I am always saying... I want routine. Then as soon as I'm in a routine, I hate it. I want to be spontaneous and fly by the seat of my pants. Then something goes wrong and I'm itching for routine again. It's such a vicious cycle. I promised myself that I would try to relax more and not get so stressed out about silly things... That was one of my many New Years Resolutions... Ha! :)

I am constantly saying... I am so over school. I want to be done so I can have my own classroom and my own career and salary. I'm tired of feeling like I don't contribute as much as I could (however, Jesse tells me I contribute plenty, but it sure doesn't feel that way). I am always trying to hurry up the future. I feel like my time is ticking. I'll be 27 this year and feel like I have absolutely NOTHING to show for it. Most of my friends already have a child, sometimes even 2. I know I shouldn't compare my life to someone else's but sometimes I feel like I'm going to be behind forever.

I know that I'm going to look back on these days when I'm overwhelmed with work, lesson plans, problems in my classroom... And think "why did I rush this? I would do anything to be back in school!" When I'm up at 2 am nursing my baby running on a couple hours of sleep, I'll think... "Geez I miss the days where I could sleep for 9 hours a night and think nothing of it". When we buy our first home I'll probably think... "Life was so much easier when we lived in our cute apartment".

If I KNOW these things, why am I rushing? God knows where I am and he has plans for me. This is something that I need to reflect on when I'm having a "case of the blahs". 

I saw this quote on Pinterest and it hit so close to home with me. "Our list for future comfort is the biggest thief of life." Wow. It is SO true. 

I'm going to work on spending more time living in the moment. I'm want to try to stop worrying about things I cannot change or control. What I am longing for WILL happen. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.